We all think we need someone else; someone to have, someone to hold, someone to talk to. We all innately feel like a puzzle, with pieces missing.
I don't think that's how it's supposed to be:
Loneliness is sadness about being without someone.
[Loneliness=(sadness) x (me-someone else)]
To fix loneliness, we believe we must have that someone else.
[Not loneliness=(happiness) x (me+someone else)]
[Not loneliness=1/loneliness]
[Happiness=1/sadness]
So we try to find that +someone else to add. And when it doesn't happen (yet, or not soon enough) we resume being lonely.
But I propose there's another formula we have yet to consider.
[Not loneliness=(happiness) x (me-someone else)
The way to fix loneliness is not to desperately search, no matter the cost, for that "someone else." It's instead to make the choice to be happy about who we are by ourselves, without someone else added into the equation.
I used to hear this all the time, without believe it was the case for me. "I'm happy with myself!" I would say. And, for the most part, I was. But I still thought (knew) my life would be incomplete/unhappy without someone else. If that's true, if I need someone else to feel (fully) happy, I can't be happy with myself, now can I?
Fulfillment is happiness with yourself. Fulfillment is happiness with you by yourself. Whether you find someone or not is not the issue.
I now see the puzzle as finished, complete, and beautiful. There are no pieces missing. It's a masterpiece by itself.
If and when I find a "frame" to put it in, I can put it on proud display, and I will pick out that frame when the time comes. But it's not here yet. And I'm more than fine with that.
[Not loneliness=(happiness) x (me)]
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2 comments:
You do know I'm a total sucker for any equation to solve non-mathematical problems.
so i'm off and running on this commenting thing...leave it to you to post on a subject I feel strongly about...
"Fulfillment is happiness with yourself. Fulfillment is happiness with you by yourself. Whether you find someone or not is not the issue."
This should be everyone's mantra. I have always felt this way only I go on to say..a relationship doesn't work in the long term if both parties aren't satisfied with themselves. Nothing good comes from a relationship where at least one person in the duo believes that they need the relationship to be happy. That person ends up compromising who they are, their happiness, etc., to keep the relationship up if its going badly. Or they can be a drain on the other person in the relationship who is try to emotionally support them.
Its too easy to feel happy with the wrong person when you've been unhappy because you've been alone. But that kind of happiness fades quickly, but because people feel like "hey, i'm in a relationship..I should be happy" they stay and ignore that what the relationship causes is truly unhappiness.
Ok...i'm off my soap box. Basically just saying "I agree".
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